Life in the Crone Lane

It is true that communication between the genders is difficult at best, and impossible at worst. I have read that the whole Mars/Venus thing happens because, essentially, men and women speak so differently they might as well be speaking different languages, as if they were from different planets. This has to do with the fact that women like and need information, and think that men like and need that, too when, in fact, he may be just asking a simple question and wanting a simple answer. Women assume that men are looking for more information (because it is what THEY would want) and give two paragraph answers to what should have been a one-word answer. There is a factoid that states women can speak 20,000 to 24,000 words a day versus a man's top end of 7,000 to 10,000.

No wonder!

This came home very clearly to me the other day, as I was "speaking" (i.e. typing) to a friend online in instant message (IM) the other day. I didn't even realize what had happened until the exchange occurred, and then because it was in written form and I reread it that I realized exactly what I had done. I laughed and laughed about it. It was a classic example of a man asking for a specific piece of information and I assumed that I knew what he REALLY was asking and gave him tons of other detail that probably made his eyes cross in frustration. I eventually answered his question, but he had to wade through a bunch of other information that he hadn't even asked for!

Here's the background: He and I had been talking about setting up a time to chat online, as he is two hours ahead of me. We discussed chatting for a few minutes before I leave for work in the mornings, because I often log onto the computer for a bit before work. I usually log onto the computer after my shower but before I complete my hair and make up, so when he asked this question, in typical Venus fashion, I thought I knew what he was asking.

Him: "What time do you usually log on?"

Me: "Oh, anywhere between 6:30 and 6:45, depending how long it takes me to get my ass out of bed. LOL"

Him: "What time do you leave for work?"

Me: (assuming that he was trying to decide how long we had to chat in the mornings): "Well, the alarm goes off about 6am and then I get up and shower. Sometimes I hit the snooze and I don't actually get out of bed until 6:10 or so. Then after I shower, I grab something to eat and watch the news. So this is why it is sometimes between 6:30 and 6:45 when I actually get online. But I also have to leave time to do my hair and make up, so I generally need to get off the computer around 7:15 or so in order to leave enough time to do that before I have to leave."

**a few moments of puzzled silence ensues.**

(laughing my ass off as I realize what I've done, begin to type the following message to him):

Me: "Oh and I usually leave for work around 7:30, unless I am running late, and in that case I am out the door no later than 7:40.....

At this point I read what I have typed AGAIN and, laughing harder, I deleted the above IM before I sent it and typed:

Me: "I leave for work no later than 7:40am."

His relief was almost palpable. Here he'd asked a simple question: "What time do you leave for work?" and I gave him my whole morning routine, thinking that I knew what he REALLY wanted to know.

But what he really wanted to know? What he, deep down, really and truly wanted to know?

He wanted to know what time I left for work. It really was that simple.

I got the biggest kick out of that, and it drove home what the experts have been saying for years. I will now try to understand that men generally want the answer to their question, not the four paragraph dissertation. And I try to answer simply what they ask. No more, no less. If he wanted to know more, he would have asked.