I haven't mentioned it much yet, but I play an online game called Second Life. For those of you that have never heard of it, it is a MMORPG (multi media online role playing game) but it is more social in nature and not necessarily combat, although you can find combat roleplay on Second Life, which is known by residents as "SL." In fact, you can find just about anything on SL, from roleplaying Master/slave and Dom(me)/sub, to combat, to capture, to medieval times, to Star Trek, to orgies to hanging out in clubs and dancing, and even attending formal clubs in ballgowns and tuxes. You can live out your fantasy life by being a stripper, an escort or simply experience multiple partners like you'd never dare to in real life (also known as RL).
People on SL create avatars and they have a first name and a last name, chosen by the user. Creating things in SL, even the avatars, is called "rezzing" and you frequently see people celebrating their "rezz day" -- or the anniversary of the first day they "rezzed" their avatar on the grid. You can actually "live" on grid by renting land and rezzing a house, furniture, etc. You can even rent a house already on land, furnished or unfurnished. There is an entire economy on SL, funded by the currency called Lindens. You purchase about $250 Lindens for approximately $1. There are a multitude of shops and vendors in SL where you can buy just about anything your heart desires and if it is not there, you can find a creator to make one for you. You can buy a boatload of skins, hair, eyes, shapes, clothes, and shoes for your avatar (also called av or avi). Most avatars are unrealisticly tall, slender, and beautiful, also eternally young. Every once in awhile, you will encounter someone who has made their avatar a more realistic size and shape, some are downright fat, some are old looking, as their user has made their appearance mirror what they are like in RL. You more often see these on the fetish sites. But most people come into SL to get away from RL, to live out a fantasy, making their avatars beautiful, sexy and young. I have been in SL for 1 years and 9 months now, my 2 year rezz day will be in November.
I got into SL to get away from a difficult, contentious and empty marriage, to find the love and fulfillment I was lacking in RL. I have met a number of wonderful people and made some lasting friendships. I have also been used and abused by people behind the avatars whose sole intention of being in SL is entirely selfish, and self-centered, behaving in ways that gets them what they want without caring about the consequences to the person behind the avatar. I realize this happens in RL as well, but somehow it seems that, due to the anonymity of the medium, people don't have the same compunction to treat people decently. Either that, or the types of people that SL attracts more often than not are those who are dysfunctional on a very deep level. Some people forget or don't care that there is a real person behind the avatar, with real feelings and emotions, and they use and abuse by swooping in, using you, making promises, telling you what you want to hear, then swooping out again and moving on to the next victim person.
At any rate, I could go on and on about the drama in SL, the psychology behind SL and why it is so wildly successful and causes such widespread happiness and heartbreak. I have had several relationships on SL, yes virtual relationships having pixelated sex with my b/fs. People even partner and marry on SL, and do so with regular frequency, some partnering and unpartnering at a speed and multitude that would leave Liz Taylor breathless. Relationships are rapidly accelerated on SL, most "marriages" lasting maybe 4 or 5 months until moving on to the next one, etc. Infidelity is proliferate on SL, which causes many if not most of the breakups. People can and do create multiple avatars (called "alts") and get online under their alts and cheat on their SL spouses when things get a bit dull and routine.
On the other hand, I have seen people partner and marry on SL for a number of years, committed to each other as they would be in RL, some even moving from SL to RL relationships. Some people discover real life love while being married to someone else in RL and leaving their spouses for the SL love that spilled over into RL. Does SL cause divorces? Yes probably, but it's not SL that causes them; it is simply the vehicle that offered the opportunity. Believe me, SL shouldn't be "blamed" for the breakup of marriages; truly the person wouldn't have been on SL in the first place if things were fine, and if it wasn't SL it would have been some other catalyst that would have broken up the marriage. It's always interesting to me how people want to blame the medium as the cause rather than looking at the underlying seeds of discontent that were already in the marraige, and that SL is simply there, it's what people do in SL that causes these things, not SL itself.
But I digress....
As I said, I have had several relationships on SL -- four to be exact. I married and partnered once, then had two boyfriends after that, neither of whom wanted to partner or marry, although the third one "proposed" but didn't really mean it (but that's an entirely different post). I am very good friends with my ex-partner and my 2nd b/f, my third b/f I have no respect for (again, that's a long story). My fourth (and current) relationship is a keeper.
I met this man not too long after I rezzed in November of 2008. We became friends, had some long, intense conversations, but we were both so new that we were more interested in sampling the variety of things in SL, and we were unaware of the SL "partnering" type of relationship. We stayed friends over the last 20 months, always saying "someday when we're both single . . . " and it never happened...until now. My 3rd b/f cheated on me and treated me shabbily, and I moved out of our house and tried to pull together the pieces of my shattered heart in May of this year. My current relationship (I'll call him FF)was in a relationship with someone else at the time. Then, in June, after finally crawling out of the deep emotional pit that I'd been thrown into after being lied to and deceived at the deepest levels of trust, FF's relationship broke up, and I consoled him, telling him that from personal experience, it would get better.
And we connected.
On a deep, personal level we connected. We've been good friends all this time, although we hadn't "seen" each other in SL for well over a year, we frequently chatted in IM and kept in touch that way. He lives in another state, two time zones away, and we "see" each other in SL every day, and frequently chat via Skype. Yes, our relationship has spilled over into RL. Will it ever become a RL offline relationship? Hard to say, since he is a couple thousand miles away. One of us would have to make a serious change. But we connect at the deepest levels of our soul. I know; you naysayers are all saying "Whatever! How ridiculous to think a relationship would come out of a stupid game like SL!"
Believe me, serious gamers (like people who play WoW) scoff at SL as being a joke, and not something to be taken seriously. When I bought my laptop, and told the salesman at Best Buy that I wanted a laptop for gaming, the infant young man that helped me said, "Oh what game do you play?"
I had the grace to look embarrassed. "Second Life" I mumbled.
He snickered. SNICKERED! He smirked at me and condescendingly helped me buy a laptop that fit my needs.
I heard BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA follow me out the door as he and his co-workers laughed at the pathetic middle aged woman trying to get her jollies on Second Life.
Oh well. Who the hell cares; I love it.
So. Anyway. Back to me and FF my SL love. Well we moved in together in SL in July, and last weekend he proposed to me, and we will marry in SL in September. Now I am enjoying the frenzy of wedding planning in SL (involving flowers, photographers, venue, DJs, dancing and all the assorted folderol associated with weddings. And I'm loving it.
I'll post pics as things progress.
